What Do You Do When You've Done Everything?

Sex is the art of feeling good. Sex doesn’t have to result in orgasm - in fact sometimes not cumming can be way more erotic than having an orgasm, because if you do that a few times, when you next cum, it’s explosive. 

The word I shall be using a lot is ‘refinement’. 

Do you remember that first time you made yourself cum? Amazing, wasn’t it’s? And I bet like most people, you went through a period of your life wanking yourself crazy every chance you got, right? But then, I bet you started to vary things a little. In girls’ cases, maybe you explored the electric toothbrush, or a nicely sized candle, or perhaps you discovered your bum hole liked a little attention. And what about your fantasies? Were  they initially coarse and unrefined? But what about now? When you can take your time, tease yourself a little, imagine the unachieveable. One friend said to me “Sometimes, usually during that part of the month when I feel really aggressively sexy, I masturbate fantasising about being fucked by a dog. (Her family owned a stud farm) I just see the male on top and from behind, his claws gripping on and him fucking the bitch like crazy. Sometimes I wank myself off on all fours imagining it myself. I would never, ever actually do it, but it’s one hell of a fantasy.” Would she have done this when she was just starting out? I don’t think so. 

As we grow, we fine-tune our sexual activity. We find things we don’t like as well as thing we do. 

WARNING….HEADING INTO UNCHARTED TERRITORY

In some countries, so-called ‘dirty’ sex is popular. No, I’m not going to upset your breakfasts by mentioning it outright, but let’s just say it goes beyond simply peeing and involves other forms of bodily waste. That holds no attraction for me in any way, shape or form, but I don’t denigrate anyone for whom it does. Each to their own, and as long as no-one gets hurt or is forced into doing it, why not? 

WARNING LIFTED - NORMAL SERVICE HAS BEEN RESUMED

But we evolve as we grow. In my teens, I loved the gentle sensations of touching myself and being touched. I had a silk scarf that I used to run over my naked body. It aroused me so much! A couple of times, I actually came just from draping it over my clit. I would, at that time, never have thought I would actually enjoy being whipped, but the honest fact of it is that I do. Every day? What would be the point of that? Would you like the same meal every time? 

My liking for pain happened when I came across Charlotte Gainsbourg in a movie called Nymphomaniac 2. She had lost her virginity very young (vaginal and anal) and clearly desired sex all the time. Enough wasn’t enough for her. She was constantly seeking more. So she visits this guy who ties her down over a couch and at first whips her with a riding crop, but on subsequent visits he uses a cat o’ nine tails that she has made herself. I’m sure it’s staged but the makeup is realistic I think. Anyway, she talks over the action by saying “…the phone nooks he used to raise my hips had shifted, and I was able to stimulate my clit.” He whips her, she cums….violently. 

So Emily and I tried a scaled down version. She tied me up over the arm of our couch in the lounge, and at first used her hand, but then a slipper. Then a cane, and then a leather belt. It was a journey of discovery for us both. I found that I really enjoyed the pain. And I mean really enjoyed it. I wouldn’t have enjoyed it when I was 13 though! 

At first, like all pubescent people, masturbation was a secret, highly private act. Me, alone in the bathroom or my bedroom, away from everyone. But thinking back, it wasn’t long before it became a shared affair. At sleepovers, to begin with. Maybe that’s where I found my love of being watched. Nowadays, I will masturbate in public in broad daylight. No, I won’t just drop my panties in the middle of the mall. I create my opportunities with infinite care, often targeting one person to see what I’m doing. 

To begin with, I would do it on the beach, waiting until someone noticed me. (Of course, I’d be topless…or sitting in a provocative manner.) Sooner or later, someone would spot me. I would gently rub suntan cream on my legs, building up the “Will she, won’t she” mindset. Then I would either rub my crotch over my bikini bottoms, or alternatively pull them aside and let him/her watch me cum. That progressed to me being doing it in more crowded places. Again, refinement. 

There is such a buzz about letting a man see you cum in your panties, then taking those panties off and leaving them for him. And I learned age is immaterial to me. I don’t care if it’s a teenage boy, or a man in his 70s. I don’t care if it’s a teenage girl, or and older woman. Actually, scratch that. Thinking about the times I’ve done it, my audiences have been more male than female, and when they have been female, they’ve been girls around my age. Hmm…interesting. I hadn’t realised that before. But again, it’s refinement. Development. 

Have I done it all? Good grief no! I’d love to be the subject of a gang bang. Five or six men all using me. I’d like to be the extra single girl at an all-couples swinger’s party. Maybe letting a bi-curious woman experiment with me while her husband watches. Oh, and speaking of husbands and wives…a strong fantasy just lately has been a refinement of something that has already happened. When my sister was recovering from her miscarriage, and when she was in hospital before it, she asked me to look after her boyfriend, the lovely Chris. Well, I’d like to have sex with a married man while his wife watches. Or have sex with her while he watches. The point is, the other person mustn’t try to join in (other than wanking). Of the two, I’d prefer it to be me fucking her husband, and preferably under her direction. “Now suck his cock.”, that kind of thing….oh, and maybe doing things that she knows he would like, but she doesn’t. Maybe she’d direct him. “Ok, John. She’s ready. Fuck her up her arse.” and once he was there, “So, John, how does it feel being up a girl’s arse? Keep going…it looks like you’re going to make her cum.” 

And typing this, I’ve just realised something else. It would be great if the wife, while watching verbally abused me too. “You know John, she really is a slut, isn’t she, taking your cock up her arse. What a dirty little cunt.” Oh yes! One day maybe. 

Then there’s the faceless stranger scenario. Being whisked off somewhere, maybe into the male restroom of a museum or art gallery and screwed by a man who just needs it here and now. Or the one I read here somewhere, where a girl on a packed train feels someone groping her. He rips her tights (pantyhose) and works his cock in her. He lets the swaying of the train do most of the work, but he cums inside her which makes her cum. When he pulls out his white semen runs down her black pantyhose. Fucking hell…I’d so love that! Yes, I know, dangerous as fuck, but then again…..

And what of Emily and I? Well as I said, our sex life has already refined itself considerably and shows no sign of slowing down. Emily is experimenting with outdoor sex and outdoor masturbation, and to my delight, she is enjoying it on her own now. She will always tell me when she’s masturbated outside the house and gardens. That was a big step for her, but a bigger one was when she positioned herself where she would definitely be seen by someone - and was. Thank God for school cross-country runs! The state secondary school only lets its sixth formers off site for cross country, so they’re 17-18. And of course, the groups are never mixed. No good would come of sending 17-18 year olds clad only in shorts and t shirts into the woods, so it’s girls one week, boys the next. Emily has been seen by both boys and girls. Not the entire year group of course, just one or two from each gender. 

She is also developing her own masturbatory fantasies. Yes, it’s true we both fantasies about Dani a lot, but then, if you saw her, you’d understand why! We would both love to know what Dani thinks about when she does herself…maybe one day she’ll tell us. 

So, refinement. Constant development and, it seems to me, the avoidance at all costs of getting into a rut! Doing the same things over and over. A now married friend (and she’s only been married for two years) told me “oh Anna, it was so exciting to begin with. We did so many things, so spontaneously! Now it’s Sunday morning sex only. He wakes me up by tickling my nipples - and not in a sexy way, more like just to wake me up. Then, when he knows I’m awake, he moves down to my crotch and rubs my clit. I suppose it’s a natural mechanical thing, but it makes me wet…well…nothing like as wet as I used to get. Then he roles on top of me, puts it in and bangs away for a few minutes and cums. Then that’s that. If I want a cum I have to do it myself. There was a time when he loved to watch me play with myself, but either he roles over and goes to sleep, or he might mutter “must  you do that?” Oh Anna, what happened? It was so good, but now….” If they can’t communicate and sort this, there is an affair in the making. Jenny and I have had a couple of these heart-to-hearts now, and on both occasions we have ended up either masturbating together, or me talking dirty to her while she does herself. She has never been interested in g/g, but I think it’s just for variety.

I’m married now, and deep,y, deeply in love. Which leads  me to my final point, partly inspired by Jenny. Communication is key. As is trust. You have to trust absolutely that what you say to or ask for from you’re partner will be treated with respect, even if…especially if it’s something they are not comfortable to do. That first time you find yourself thinking “Oh, I wish my partner would…..” and you don’t communicate that to them is a lie. It is also a seed that might well grown to bite you in the arse if you let it germinate. Note I said ‘communicate’, not ‘ask’. You can of course ask, but there are other ways of getting the idea across. 

Let me offer an example. Emily was squatting over my face. (This was only the second time we had made love) I have a longer tongue than usual, and it is strong too. I can easily tongue fuck her with it. Anyway, on this occasion, I was working on her clit. I noticed her tilting her pelvis forward and thought “Hm…maybe she wants my tongue up her?” Never one to disappoint, I pushed my tongue deeply into her vagina, which she enjoyed….briefly…but there was still that forward tilt happening. I touched just north of her vagina and heard her gasp. I knew what she wanted. She had told me as clearly as if she had used words. So I went to work on her bum hole. I felt her fingers dart between her legs to her clit and she came just as my tongue pushed inside. Now this isn’t the first time I tried this. (What, are you kidding me?) I did it before at a sleepover with a girl from school. She was quite happy for me to lick her vagina, but the idea popped into my head that I’d like to lick her bum. I went straight for it….and totally ruined the moment. She shrieked and leaped off me. She wouldn’t even let me finish her any other way, but I heard her bring herself off later that night which hurt. What did I do wrong? I didn’t communicate. I didn’t ask “Can I lick your bum hole.” And I didn’t plant the idea by touching that area between the two. Communication is vital. 

Variety, they tell us, is the spice of life. Sex, that most intimate form of communication is such an unlimited source of joy, comfort, solace, (despite what the Catholic Church would have us believe) and it is there to be explored, revelled in, enjoyed, and given and received.

Never let it become dull, repetitive and boring.

Never feel guilty for wanting something, and find a solution if you want it but your partner doesn’t. There always is one. What you might not be able to do physically, you can do mentally. 

Never let it become diarised. (9:30 Sunday - have sex. 9:45 have breakfast) YUCK!