Parenting woes.

About 5 years ago I received a phone call from the ex wife. I begrudgingly answered the phone with “what do you want.”

She launched into a expletive  filled rant bitching about something as I attempted to pretend to listen to her woes. 

I heard “clothes, walked, Son, jacking” and I asked, say that again? She loudly replied “I was putting Js clothes away and he shot his cum on me as I walked into his room.” I died laughing. Ya, that didn’t help matters but I didn’t care. I was ROLLIN, LMFAO. 

She was screeching and I finally heard her say “You need to talk to him about jacking off.” 

“Why?” I said. “It sounds as if he’s got a firm grip on the situation.” Which got me laughing again and fired her up even more. 

Now If y’all recall in my original post, ole #3 didn’t like it when I did my humble deed. She said I was cheating on her. Meh, whatever, She paddled the pink canoe herself and she didn’t care that the two older kids, a son who pulled his peter and a daughter that fluffed her muffin, each to their hearts delight. I spoke to them too about the art of self enjoyment when their messes were discovered one day when their mom washed their bed sheets. No issues with them peelin the banana or slicing the peach. Weird. 

 Apparently she didn’t like that her baby boy was at that age where he needed to relieve the pressure by way of manual stimulation. She didn’t like that one bit. 

Her screeching rant continued. It was as bad as finger nails on a chalk board. She had unknowingly walked in his bedroom without knocking at his moment of joy. She said “I saw him all tensed up, eyes closed, hand on his cock as he bucked his hips and shot a long load onto my leg and and another on my arm as I turned to leave.” I was shaking my head in disbelief and....laughed even harder. 

She said she had to use a towel to clean her self off. I was laughing so hard, I dam near passed out. 

I finally calmed down a bit and between giggles I told her that I would have a word with J when I visited the kids. 

I had the talk with J and told him welcome to manhood. Now that you’ve started masturbating you’ll never stop, not even when you have a girlfriend or a wife. It’s what we men do, it’s normal. You are a normal young man. I told him that his brother and sister do it and believe it or not your mother clubs the clam too. I even told him about catching his ejaculate in a sock. He asked how his mom and sister did it and with the magic

of the internet he soon found out. 

Although I warned him about viewing too much porn. 

Later we went to the hardware store and I bought him a locking door handle and I showed him how to install it. Once he had it installed I told him, lock your door when you’re going to jack one out. He smiled a big ole grin and I knew he couldn’t wait to try that new lock. 

Before I went home that day, I told his mom to start knocking on his door prior to entering. We held hands and almost in unison said “Our baby is growing up.”  

Happy Jackin son.