All Alone

That particular night I planned to just sit back and relax. I had a bottle of wine and it was warm enough I could have left all my clothes off if I wished. I ended up in an old t-shirt. I might as well have been naked though, because when I sat down in my easy chair and lay one leg over the arm, my shirt pulled up almost to my waist, exposing everything it should have covered. Little did I expect that by the end of the night the shirt would not be all I would take off.

My older brother Steve has always been close to me and we share with each other those things of our own we think the other needs or would enjoy. Sometimes it's eerie the way we know what is on the other's mind. He must have known I was going to be alone that night because he had dropped off a VHS tape with a note to call him in the morning to let him know my reaction.

I had enjoyed x-rated movies before, some with Steve. The first time he brought one over, I couldn't believe my eyes. By the time we finished watching the movie my mouth was so dry I could hardly swallow, but my pussy was so wet I'm sure my dress was damp where it had fallen between my legs. I'm also sure Steve knew what I had on my mind. He brought over others for me after that and I always looked forward to each new movie. I loved to watch the guys fucking and licking the girls in the films and I especially liked to pretend it was on my stomach or on my tits their semen spilled. I dreamed of rubbing it into my skin, my pubic hair, my pussy lips and then sucking my fingers until their wetness was licked away. But I hadn't watched one in months. So I especially looked forward to an evening of fantasy as I took Steve's movie out of it's container and slipped it into the recorder.

The film I put in the player that night, however, was not what I anticipated. This one did not have guys. It was only about girls.

It might have been the wine. It might have been the dim light. Or it might have just been my mood. In any case, as I watched the movie, I gradually realized my breathing had become shallow and I could almost feel my heart beat beneath my breast. As the women touched each other and kissed each other and rubbed their breasts against each other, I became aware of a part of myself only hinted at before. I found myself wishing I was with them. That it was my skin being stroked; my lips being kissed. My face became hot and flushed. I looked over my shoulder as though to see if anyone was there, watching, reading my thoughts. My shirt became moist with perspiration and as its cloth touched my nipples they became so sensitive I found my hand moving beneath the cloth, cupping the soft underside of my breast, my fingers gently squeezing each to make sure the feeling I was experiencing was really coming from me.

Then two of the girls in the movie moved to the shower, began bathing each other and as they rubbed the soap on the others bodies I became aware of my other hand slipping between my own legs, pressing hard against myself, trying to hold in the response that was beginning to rise within my body. After soaping thoroughly they began to shave each others pubic hair. When they finished, they moved to the bedroom to continue their embraces. As I watched their lovemaking and gazed upon their newly shaved pink pussies, I experienced my first orgasm. I found my hand drenched with my own wetness. My breasts ached as I pressed harder against them with my hand and arm. And when I finished I knew what I wanted, at that moment, more than anything else; and I knew the evening would not be completed until I had been satisfied.

I rewound the tape to the beginning of the shower scene, turned the TV and recorder off and moved to my own bathroom. I lit some candles, saved in the bathroom for special nights, turned off all the other lights and filled the tub with water, scenting it with a soothing bath oil Steve had given me. The t-shirt came off as I slipped into the warm water and felt its gentle caress. As I lay in the water remembering the scenes of the shower and recalling the vision of the newly bared mons and lips, my body took on a new sensitivity. Each nerve seemed more alive than ever. The soap became a lover as it used my own hand to stroke my body. Soon my attention was turned to my own pubic hair. I have never had very much and what is there is sparse and soft. Because of the blond color, it seems almost invisible. But that would not be enough. I knew every hair must be removed. The soap was applied and as the razor glided across my skin, the threatened sharpness brought a new awareness within the delicate tissue. Sensuality was joined by a veiled perception of fear. Starting at the top and then moving down and back, I paid special attention to the small fine hairs around my clitoris and between the lips. The area below the vagina and around my ass was also shaved. When finished, I lay back in the water, my eyes closed, and ran my fingers across the now smoothed pussy confirming that indeed all its hair was gone.

I'm not sure how long I remained there, but finally I moved to the bedroom and toweled myself dry. A softly perfumed lotion was obtained from the dresser and I returned to the TV room, this time without the t-shirt. A record of gentle music was selected and placed on the player. The TV and video were started but without sound as I realized the only words I wanted to hear would be my own thoughts. As the scenes repeated, I applied the lotion. First across my chest and then cupping each breast with one hand, I began to stroke the upper sensitive skin with the other, moving closer with each caress to the areola and nipple. As my finger applied just a drop of the lotion to the surrounding pink areas, my nipples and the small papilla around them began to project out. But they were not hard. Instead they had taken on a softness and sensitivity I had not experienced before. I had to stop. As the women on the screen made love to each other I realized the only way I could join them would be within my mind and the TV images had become a barrier instead of a door to fulfilling my fantasy.

I turned everything off and returned to the bedroom. Laying on the bed, in the darkness, I became aware of my body in a new way; almost as though it had an existence of its own. My hand returned to my breasts and I found them even more sensitive than before. I grasped the nipples between my fingers, gently pulling and twisting. A breath of warm air blew across my naked body. A soft ache entered my pelvis. My hand moved down my abdomen. Slowly the tips of my fingers began to brush across the newly shaved mons. A moan escaped from me. It was like a voice from another area of my mind, an echo from another existence. I continued down to my labia, along the sides and then between. But now I didn't need a lotion. The juice from my pussy was flooding and as I caressed my newly smoothed softness I found there was nothing to compare with my own silky cream. My fingers found their way to my mouth allowing my tongue to taste and lick the passion from their tips. As they returned to my pussy, I felt a strange and freighting feeling begin to rise within my body. The palm of my hand pressed against my clitoris as my fingers slipped between my lips and into the depths of my vagina. I began to massage the soft ridges within me. My legs came back as the other hand sought my now swollen lips and clitoris.

My strokes began slowly, but soon the difference between slow and fast became meaningless as I began to lose control. The feeling within my pelvis had taken over. My heart ached from its pounding and I had to gasp for air because I forgot to breathe. Two, three, then four of my fingers found their way into my pussy as it pleaded for more. Perspiration covered me. A musky odor mixed with the smell of perfume and my own body became a stimulant to my senses as my mind exploded with sensations. Then, within me, I felt the inner ridges of my vagina smoothed out and open as though expecting a gift. At the same time, the outer area tightened and began to spasm with urgency and ecstasy, trying to prevent any escape. I heard a scream and realized it was my own. Juices poured from me as I began to rub and spread them over my body, my breasts, my arms, my face. I put some on my nipples, pushed my breast towards my mouth and used my tongue to lick it off. My hands caressed every part of my body. I was insane with a rapture of sexuality. My orgasm had taken complete control of my mind and body. I was its prisoner, it was my lover and I responded in any way it demanded.

I can't tell you how long this went on but slowly the fog of sensuality was replaced with an overwhelming need for sleep. As I fell into a deep sleep, I thought of Steve and how I was going to explain my response to his movie. I also wondered if there was anyone else I could share it with.

Good night and sleep tight.