Is it cheating if a married man has oral sex with another man?

[oldfan]

As a man who does love the thought of having oral sex with other men, I was wondering about how others view this: am I "cheating" on my wife if I pursue this if she does not know about my man to man activities?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

[iamnaked]

My wife told me along time ago, “No affairs, no spending money no secret dating.”
Then she added, “A hormone dump is something you’re gonna do no matter what.”
I listened, she elaborated, “Get some now and then, get a fuck buddy, I know you. Male is ok with me if you can’t find a girl.”
“And if you fall for someone please give me the courtesy of telling me first.”
We’ve been married 29 years now.

[oldfan]

My wife told me along time ago, “No affairs, no spending money no secret dating.”
Then she added, “A hormone dump is something you’re gonna do no matter what.”
I listened, she elaborated, “Get some now and then, get a fuck buddy, I know you. Male is ok with me if you can’t find a girl.”
“And if you fall for someone please give me the courtesy of telling me first.”
We’ve been married 29 years now.

Such a great relationship you and your wife has! Thanks for sharing.

[blackboxer500]

You won’t like my answer but if your marriage is based on sexual monogamy then yes, oral sex with a man would be cheating. Unless the couple expressly agrees otherwise, sexual monogamy is assumed and inherent in a marriage. That’s true of marriage in virtually every culture. Although pregnancy isn’t a risk in same sex relations, sexually transmitted infections are. But even if there is zero risk of contracting an STI, you have made a promise to your wife, regardless of what specific vows you said, because keeping it at home is part of marriage.

Of course communication is also a major component of a healthy marriage. I assume you expect your wife would not agree to an arrangement but have you discussed it with her? Based on your question I assume you are contemplating seeking out a suck buddy, and I also infer that if the collective wisdom of a masturbation forum said it was ok, then you would be one step closer to doing it.

So I pose the question to you this way: how would she react to a conversation about an unmet sexual need of yours compared to discovering that you’ve been carrying on with another man? You might be clever enough to never get caught, but the fact you have to hide it in the first place answers your question for you.

[oldfan]

Thanks blackboxer. All good points you make.

[rathb69]

I think most people (and certainly my wife) would say yes. I haven't sucked cock (yet!), but I have played with other's men's cocks, let them play with mine, and jacked off for other men (including on a young man's face at his request). I once let a man suck me briefly, but even though I get many requests to suck my dick, I stick to hand action.

I find that I feel much less guilty doing these things than getting involved with a woman (which I have done a few times). I'm not sure why, but maybe because there is no romance or emotion involved.

[mash2014]

My wife would see me as being gay. If she knew of my same-sex activities or knew how many times I masturbate thinking in males she would call me gay. For her, no shades of gray. Or you are straight or you are gay, no in betweens.

[twistedthing]

Yes cheating is cheating

[spunkluvr]

Yes cheating is cheating

Absolutely.

[iamnaked]

Well truth be told I know for a fact she’s had a fuck buddy or two.
Probably gets more than I do.

[5fingershuffle]

Yes, it’s cheating. I definitely fantasize about sucking a hard, shaved shaft and having it blow a hot load in my mouth. I’d also love to have another dude jerk and suck my cock until I bust in his hot mouth.

[spunkluvr]

Don't really approve of cheating, although I've sucked off four of my married mates. They were doing the cheating - I wasn't.

[oldfan]

My wife would see me as being gay. If she knew of my same-sex activities or knew how many times I masturbate thinking in males she would call me gay. For her, no shades of gray. Or you are straight or you are gay, no in betweens.

Same with me Mash.

[danbury1973]

It's not cheating if you have a "hall pass" and you give her one as well. My hubby and I each have a hall pass with conditions. Those conditions may change and evolve at times and it's important to not keep secrets.